hotel room ftw
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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