I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
