remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
