The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize