I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
