I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
