My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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