If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
