Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
