There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
