worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
