Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
