we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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