I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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