Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
