I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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