I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
