Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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