Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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