kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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