it was like eating out sand paper
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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