I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
