Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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