I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
