this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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