talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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