We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize