you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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