I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
