Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
