Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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