so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
