Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
