I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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