my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
