do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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