and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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