Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
