The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
