i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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