i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
