Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
