Where is the hickey?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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