Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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