I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you still have your period?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
