Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
