It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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