there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
