She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
