Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
