this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
