she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
