Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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