the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
