Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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