Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize