i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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