Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
