If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
