I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I am one with the molecules
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
