I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
