Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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