i would punch a child for taco bell
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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