Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
