So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
