the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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