I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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