its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
