The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
