His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
