Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
