His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize