(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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