is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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