I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
