Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
