Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
