I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
