Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
